As we approach the Feast of All Saints and All Souls, Thanksgiving, Advent and Christmas, we anticipate the Holidays to be difficult. The holidays present both unique challenges and meaningful opportunities for Catholics who are grieving. We will grieve the death of loved ones and at the same time, we will have opportunities to draw closer to God.

All Saints and All Souls

These two days in our Church year are all about death and as such, might bring up some unexpected emotions. Attending a Church service on All Souls can be difficult, especially if you have the opportunity to have the name of your loved one read out loud and you get a candle, but at the same time, this will be very helpful in realizing that your loved one went to a loving and merciful God. Although the death of a loved one is not something to “get over” it is comforting to know that our God will journey with u each step in your bereavement.

Thanksgiving

The Thanksgiving holiday is a wonderful time for families to gather and it can be particularly difficult to “give thanks” when a loved one is missing. It’s ok not to feel overly thankful. This will change over time. Here are some helpful hints to “survive” the day:

• Make sure you let your guests know that you want to talk about the deceased. Avoid the “elephant in the room” issue.
• Do something specific to remember your loved one.
• Traditions can change; don’t feel obligated to keep everything the same.
• It can be a sad time; don’t hide it. A loved one is not with you.

Advent

The Season of Advent is a beautiful time of the year where the Church gives us four weeks to prepare for the rebirth of Jesus in our lives. Although it can be a somewhat hectic time with all of the secular preparations for Christmas, it should also be an opportunity for all of us to spend more time in prayer in preparation for Christmas. For grieving Catholics, these four weeks will be difficult with many lost traditions, but they can also be a time to allow God to draw you closer to Him. He is still with you even though it might seem that He has abandoned you.

Christmas

Christmas is a time for many families with many established traditions. Sadly, many of those traditions are strong reminders of the loved one who died. “He used to hang all the lights outside.” “She always did such a great job decorating the house and our tree.” “I can’t possibly hang my son’s stocking this year.” There can be so many painful memories. The following may be helpful:

• Like Thanksgiving, change is ok, but children need stability.
• Can you just skip Christmas altogether? Probably not, but less effort is good.
• If you really don’t feel like sending Christmas cards, don’t. Reduce stress.
• Can your child buy Grandma a gift this Christmas? Yes, it is good to have kids buy a gift for the deceased and present it to a charity on their behalf.

Actions You Can Take During These Difficult Times

• Light a special candle during prayer times throughout holidays, symbolizing both your loved one’s presence and Christ’s light.
• Donate to a cause meaningful to your loved one in their memory.
• Arrange a small sacred space with photos, meaningful objects, a candle for spiritual reading and prayer.
• Attend a grief support group at your parish or diocese during times leading up to the holidays.
• Request a Mass intention for your loved one during the holidays.
• Participate in communal reconciliation services which can provide a healing to complicated grief emotions like anger or guilt.
• Say prayers for Catholic mourning
• Pray the Rosary asking Mary to intercede for you or consider walking the Stations of the Cross and linking your grief to the grief of Jesus.